A challenging thing to apply when you are a person with control issues. Yup. But time has allowed me to learn and let go. To what end?
I am a planner. I think of all the details and foresee possible problems to minimize them. Control issues disguised as organization. Control issues can have practical applications. My keenly honed planning skills are often very practical and appreciated by those around me. Meals are planned. Trips are planned. I can pull off fancy seven course dinner parties for 14 people flawlessly. But the hamster never stops. So in the end I am the one who doesn’t sleep and worries about the possible problems the future can bring. I must stay one step ahead or ... Or what? I won’t be happy? I can tell you living my life this way left no room to even enjoy my 7 course gourmet dinner party, or my life. I was always in the future. I was too busy planning to enjoy the present. I started letting go of little things. As I did, I noticed that often it didn’t matter so much. I was stuck in this pattern of Super-Planner to prove to myself that I had value. If I wasn’t the best at being a few steps ahead then I was not good enough. Good enough for what? Good enough for who? I didn’t really want to answer that question but it was an important part of my process. Learning to just be was a learning curve indeed.
So to answer my earlier question, to what end? A happy end! Every time I let go of my expectations, everything gets easier. I focus on the present moment and I live in my happy place right now.
Namaste!
Bianca
This personal blog was written by Bianca Pittoors. You may “share” it in its entirety. I respectfully request that you respect it as the intellectual property that it is. Thank you! All photos by Bianca Pittoors unless noted otherwise.